Why do I quit Physics

I had been into physics for 5 years or so. I want to analyze the reason behind why do I quit at last. I hope to draw some general ideas from this whole thing as it change my life in a deep way, I want to think over this procedure as they deserve exploration.

（根据我当时的草纸来看，我花费了所有时间在做细节运算，无暇跳出自己的匆忙。这些练习对认知的提升是非常有限的，我当下也难看懂那些计算）我不知不觉地淹没在了细节中，没有整体的认识，对细节的理解占据了我所有的极大精力，导致我在细节中迷失了。

It’s a sure thing that devoting into theoretical physics is not for easy to catch what people are saying in documentary.

Pure interests

In a positive way, I don’t fully enjoy as I did before. I feel I’m emerged in a very narrow perspective, it become easy to keep your time occupied, but the ideas have stagnated. no thrilling new idea.
Direction and method, keeping that in mind doesn’t steer my ambition. Am I just being remember these things barely in mind without fully understand it.

There was a period I was quiet self-discipline, I was not comfortable with the pace that lectures arranged, with the content and the way I was being taught. So I teach myself, this last a long time when I begin to study quantum field theory, it’s very unlike pure computation and intuitive logically processing while dealing with thermodynamics and theory of relativity. It needs much understanding of things, I was a mess except doing the computation. I can’t understand the meaning expressed by lectures, when I want to catch up and learn from the textbooks, I read that again and again yet gained little.
Lack of effective thinking

I want to talk about the great gap of cognitive ability between adults. Why I seem to fail in the road and never show the capability of being the very best. Why am I so common and unnoticeable?
- can’t understand things well and deeper
Evaluation
- The evaluation system is not fairly constructed.

Looking back, I want to know why I can not fully understand those things, at that time, I have a feeling, most people don’t, and some people knows very well in a narrow direction, why I didn’t turn to someone for help to get rid of confusion in time.

After I formally start to work, I can’t declare my was total wrong but it surely was not right, my industry just kept me busy at that period, making me occupied with what I was doing isn’t real industry and I was destroy by that without being aware of this fact.

Can people reasonably evaluate themselves?

It’s possible that you give a optimistic evaluation of yourself when you are in a easy mood and underestimate yourself when you are beaten down by temporary difficulties.

Why do I want to write a post on this topic, I think it’s not a thing has totally past, it’s a common question that I was being asked. I want to explain to myself, why I didn’t stick to my

Is it about opportunity that you can study somewhere? actually, not really. my faith die out along the way. Why, I’ve been hard working on something less efficient, doing calculation is like obeying routines, I’ve been lazy of thinking and that become a a habit , my capability of fully understand the very foundation degraded, it’s almost become another foreign language in later, I have no feeling or inspiration about it, I just head lots of concepts and final selected idea which passed testifying, without able to see the connections behind these ideas(Like Jonathan Van Ness’s hair, I see sometimes it was put down, sometimes it was being tied up, I don’t see the reason behind.), I feel little progress on me.

Most time I’m and I have a bad habit similar like OCD, I would repeatedly testify an intermediate step which I had done before, it slow down my calculation and I feel good about I can reproduce that step. Is this too detail that I’m missing my point?

I used to make calculation without any hesitation and asking why? I was always doing something I know I can arrive in a certain amount of time.

I barely have any experience of exploration, explore the unknown conclusion, based on Nobody encourages me to do so, I have no training of this, I don’t get inspiration from previous, no adventurous idea implant in my mind.

Why I realize this now? As I met new people in life and they point out problems on me without any hesitation with hash tone, I seriously realize my mistake, I don’t do things that I think is right, but try the way my leader ask me to do even though sometimes I’m not fully understand.

What I listed above explaining why I quit of career in TP, I’m digging into the reason why I become who I am instead of making up any excuses,

I’m not arguing for the choice I made along the way. I can also list out some reasons why I should pursue a PhD in Astrophysics.

I think there were too many points I can’t understand in time, if then there is

For example, I don’t think that I have ever comprehend weak interaction, the origin of this more advanced theory can trace back to beta decay

what is beta decay?
how it can be discovered?
why it was a mystery or something unknown at that time?

When I read the part about beta decay, there is a figure which is familiar to me, I happened to see a picture, called electron energy spectrum? during beta decay? why it called that? I don’t understand this graph at all?