Random Thought

Something is stopping me from accomplishing my plan. I hope I can get addicted to the crucial course. It’s not easy, how about remove this rule, how about just stick to the plan without the need of passion if there is none.

很多时候我们躁动不安，觉得自己对于当前做的事情缺乏激情，而言下之意是只要我有了足够激情，就能完成的特别好。

这和“我家孩子很聪明啊，就是不努力”是一回事。

大部分事情并不需要什么天赋或者激情才能完成，只要有切实可行的目标、合理的计划和风雨无阻的执行力就够了。

很多时候我们觉得没有激情或者没有兴趣，只是因为在所做的事情上没有成就感，不能得心应手，打个不恰当的比方：玩游戏时我们最喜欢的既不是毫无挑战的幼儿益智，也不是超变态的抖m系列。最能吸引玩家的往往是有挑战性，却在能克服的难度之内。

生活中的事情也是差不多的道理，没激情，可能是因为你正在做着无趣的简单重复工作，也可能是远超你能力的任务。前者需要自己调整工作内容，后者需要加强自身基础能力。

I feel the world is working in a way I’m not aware of. Why, because I know nearly nothing about the principles behind, why, because I don’t have time to explore how it works. Why, because, I’m occupying myself to finish what I am doing. Why? because I got a stomach to feed and pay for the bills, Why, because I don’t have extra money to let myself slow down without lower the life quality, Why? because that’s the truth I’m experiencing, that’s the situation I’m actually in, my earning power only sustain my basic life.

Adam: I want you to list down several reasons why do you want to get more and more money?

• I want my life is centered for my idea, my creativity, If I have sufficient money, I would not choose cheap choice when it cost more time. Like if I want to get A from B, I don’t care how much it would cost when I want to get there in the most shortest time.
• I would choose the fittest instead of saving money.
• I would let me be me instead of twist my intention.

Every technology behind is enormous infrastructure. It’s not all about what we can see by our eyes, what we can hear from our ears, what we can get from our sensors, what we can think out with our brain, the amount of available knowledge is beyond our conscious.

Value creators are indispensable assets to their company! They are very hard to replace.And that is why companies will pay them more and more and offer them partnerships to retain them.Value creators are never out of a good job.They are usually head hunted by other companies all the time, the head hunters offering to double their income if they join them. So, the first unbreakable habit of wealth is to do a lot more than expected

Is this person’s salary to be regarded as an ‘investment’ or as an ‘expense’ to their company? Of course it is an expense! Will their company give them a raise? Unlikely. By increasing this person’s salary, the company’s expenses will increase and profits will decrease. Since all companies’ primary aim is to increase profits each year, these people will find themselves working for years without getting a raise. In fact, whenever profits drop for whatever reason, management will tend to layoff these people first, to save costs! Obviously, if you operate from this pattern you will never achieve success and wealth!

I am not contributing to the company I work for, so I am not a valuable employer now. It’s more than I deserve even the company pays me little, , meanwhile, I feel I am making progress almost every day.

Lessons I learned recently, don’t make yourself too tired, you will become more and more tense and breakdown finally.

首先，我顺利的找到了做报告的会议室，我可以坐在后排，但是社会的我坐在了尽可能接近报告人的第二排，当我看见张超那一刻，我不知道要不要打招呼，我还是低下头发一下微信消息吧，主持报告的是一个韩国人，她介绍张超的时候我发现我很难听懂她的英语，张超介绍自己的时候看见我了，他说，唉，xx，我微笑了下，点了下头，报告完后，我等他，他拿过来盒饭。

我感觉他说话，我也很难听懂，我说是不是你刚回国的原因，我听不懂你的普通话，他说是嘴里有饭，他的语速很快。

我能感觉出来他的疲惫，他说自己好累。

可能情绪的起伏影响了他的食欲，他没把饭吃完。

他会聊一些话题，我没有主动开口问我的事。

他后来说Dieter跟你怎么说，我说没有回复，他说他这样不好。怎么能这样呢？

我告诉他，什么结果我都可以接受，能不能你回德国后，告诉Dieter让他给我一个最后的答复。他说这不可能。这是德国人的骄傲，他不会给你回复的，他拉不下这个面子。我说我听到了，但我不能理解。然后一个老师过来和张超说话，张超去会议室拿电脑的时候那个老师(黎卓)问我是不是北大的，他怎么没见过我，怎么认识张超，我说他是我申请德国老师的学生，他问我申请好了，我说不确定。张超过来解释说去年Dieter给了我offer又反悔了，把我坑了。

因为写的proposal后来他自己一算，和预想的不一样，那个课题就不能做了。

后来张超说感谢特意来看我，我说你知道的我是奔着自己的事来的。

后来他劝了下我说应该多找个机会的。

我只能说我误判了形势，再加上我不坚决，我不喜欢做把握很小的事吧，表现的很随缘。

我想把自己置身于陌生的状态里，我想多体验人生，因为我对职业还没有一个完整的认识，也还是犹豫的，彷徨的。

不过我觉得张超状态不好，他亢奋到像嗑药了一样。

一旦我确保自己姿势正确后，我已经开始担心第一次成功以后的得意忘形而没了初学者的谦虚，殊不知我还在失意的谷底，是在这继续呆着？如果我向外界透露我的处境，总是怀疑自己抱着其它的目的。 我选择了一条需要自己摸索的路，这本来没有对错，甚至应该被鼓励，我如果怕了，退缩了，那也只能对外宣称迷茫了。却担心自己和同龄人的处境心境很不一样，我没有局外人的坚毅心理学。 我为贫苦所担忧，我为自己不能给我想感激的人带来更好的物质生活而羞愧。

这充分说明我的敌人还是我自己，我想要年轻有为，获得普遍的认可，而不是没有功利心的去发展自己。也许这是我人生中最失意的时候，也许也是最能认清自己的时候，不要死，即使你觉得累也无聊。

I feel depressed and anxious.

Why I don’t keep the habit of reading papers and keep updating https://czfzdxx.gitlab.io?

It matters a lot!!! Well, it’s not easy, it’s difficult,

• Laborious work
• Sharp intuition

I thought some people are real different from me, from my experience, I thought most people are similar, the environment I’m in already filtered the people I can meet, this situation prevent me from meeting extremely different people,

I guess there are intelligent people, just like there is dumb people everywhere.

I am devastating and hysterical these 2 days, seems like the depression is swallowing me and chew me into pieces.

Should keep working to prevent depression.

• Push forward in C++
• Re implement data structure in C.
• Play with Django
  • The skill is not generic enough.

• Data visualization

  knowledge on statistics of each project will be my bottleneck, It is difficult to carry on like this.

I have been through hardships for several times, nevertheless, it’s hardest ever at this time. My longtime unrequited love suddenly become a broken bubble, I am sad and not willing to accept the truth, like moth to the flame, the more I got closer, the more I got hurt, maybe I should cherish her as a precious friend.

Meanwhile, I lost the chance to working on what I value most, I admit many things are worthy for a lifetime to pursue, but for me, working on unravelling the truth of nature is the coolest, being a physicists is worthy to be living. I have chase after this idea since I turn into a grownup, yet now I have no way to get further study in a satisfying way, not to mention other aims based on getting a PhD degree in physics.

I have nothing now and have to start over a career, even though it’s not scary and I am capable of starting a new career, but this is not my dream, I want to live not just to survive.

Everything you think about seems bleak — the things you’ve done, the things you hope to do, the people around you.

I’m in a such miserable situation, I force myself to work on what’s currently happening and not to think further to keep my mood not so down.

At the hard moment, Hu Shih’s words lifted up my mood.

Friends, when you are the most pessimistic and disappointed, that is when you have to muster strong confidence. You must be convinced that there is no effort to waste in the world. Success does not have to be in me, but the power will not donate to Don.

I am like Robinson in Robinson Crusoe, feeling extremely lonely, only working can help me feel the beauty of life.

I try to improve my mood and not to take time thinking over my dim future and what I miss, glad it works.

Then all of a sudden I got another chance to catch up with my initial dream with a much matured mind. It makes me that I am being manipulated by fate.

I guess no matter whatever the result is, I will not fail to live as a human being.

When I lose faith I feel like the passengers on Titanic who are about to sink into the deep ocean.

I thought my life should not be dependent on other people’s judgments to me, when the praise me I feel I am excellent. when they say no to me I feel like a loser, the right way should be as no matter what other people’s opinion is, I don’t think it can be a real standard to evaluate me. This then is a mature mind and you are confident and know yourself well.

I should form the habit Of delaying gratification, I should calm done to the phased success and failure.

猝然临之而不惊，无故加之而不怒。

碰触对他们来说是拳击，声音对他们来说是噪音，不幸对他们来说是悲剧，喜乐对他们来说是至福，朋友对他们来说是情人，情人对他们来说是神，而失败对他们来说是死亡。

How do you prepare to do your PhD?

Putting laborious work aside, I think keep curious is another crucial factor determines you being excellent in this are.

• Always Be Questioning
• Confront your idea with real people
• Be excited about it
• The Internet provide opportunities
• Be careful when you change something
• Everything is builds on everything else.

Could I survive from another hit? Why I will fail, maybe I behave too terrible, maybe he doesn’t think me I will be able to do a PhD under his supervision.

As the professor must know me to a certain degree and have showed interests in further discussion with me. What I need is express my opinion by his question, but what should be my question to him? what about how do you think on keeping the balance between programming and thinking over problem on physics. Do you choose not program to save time for physics? not a good enough question.

Below says my heart

芝兰生于深谷，不以无人而不芳
君子修身养德，不以穷困而改志

When can I stop bursting into tears or asking for other people’s caring, in the meanwhile, I can still be warm hearted. When can I stop breaking down in front other people, control my feeling when people around no matter what happens.

Make sure right then go on

If you can’t make sure what to do next and got stuck, then the right thing is keeping the good habits, continue writing post, reading paper, looking for new things.

When I was on the subway, the TV was playing football game, I just understood at that moment, even you try your best, you can lose. No one to be blamed, you just need to keep fighting with your mistakes.

• What do I want to do during PhD study?

  What would you like to research? What type of training do you want and what are your future ambitions?

  • How to learn physics?
  • How to compose a paper?

  • How to depict your idea in a comprehensive way?

    Not only improved vocabulary, but also something more technical.

  • How to cooperate with other?`
• What have I done before?
  • Testify the derivation for formula on textbooks during undergrad. Reading the book spacetime and time warps to form a picture in head.
  • Do the calculation manually, I found it can’t going this way anymore, there is a declination in my memory. I can not be an encyclopedia. driven by question and need, I learn everything in a wise way.

• What are my values I based my life on?

  I have experienced many frustrations and I overcame them.

  I know from finding a valuable question to compose a paper is not easy. I am mentally prepared.

  How to think like a physicist? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfxbNxFh2Y4

I need a handwriting style app, like notability, which makes my style which is more flexible and people doesn’t get aboard with. I don’t have a tablet where I can write directly on the screen with a stylus.

Meanwhile, some ideas need to display through a demo figure, where I just sketch out the trend.

Notability DMG Cracked for Mac Free Download.

Why not professors present their work to public like they given lectures to their graduates, Feynman lecture as an example,

When a person achieve great success, he or she should never satisfied, it only shows you reached existed criteria, the big problems remains everywhere, your work attitude should never affected by compliment, you are beyond comparison, you invent your new standard to define success.

What kind of information do I exposed to in my spare time everyday?

• Zhihu,
• Wechat public accounts

It’s all opinions within my understanding capability.

Instead of reading book or read facts, I heard loads of opinions, loads of fragments of information. I may take several minutes to read one article to which my first impression is interesting. I may give a thumb up when I find it makes strong sense. Yet I forget it easily, which I think it’s good thing. Then what’s the point of touching these information?

It would be wonderful I build my resource archive of facts, which means nothing personal, and use it to think on my own.

7.7

I had stayed in my room for nearly 2 days, feeling so lonely, like I was abandoned by the world and remembered by nobody. Then I bought a movie ticket to force me to walk out of my room and shined by today’s sunshine. I’m now typing these words in the crowds, It’s noisy but I feel so concentrate. When I stand up with being alone, the quiet environment makes me annoying.

I made 40 points on SO this week, now I’m granted to vote down. It was once my little goal, I found it’s quite interesting, I didn’t intend to answer questions on SO, either feel like I am being pretentious, or feel little sense of accomplishment, I feel I should interact with complex problems, It was a shame for me to take privilege knowing more than the questioner instead of thinking deeper than them. As it’s not fair, because some beginner asking pretty easy questions which you can answer with little efforts and you make your reputation. I hope I will be able to answer the questions which require deep comprehension.

Even if you know well about several things, questions other people proposed are very likely beyond your capability. There are still so many different kinds of problems you never met.

• https://stackoverflow.com/a/38466059/7583919
• https://stackoverflow.com/users/13161/mattshane

• https://stackoverflow.com/a/26568684/7583919

Another way to get reputation is you are really good at something, you understand something really well and give a convincing answer to others and agreed by many people at last.

Your reputation increase at the speed of several K.

• https://stackoverflow.com/questions/12936986/why-does-cudamalloc-use-pointer-to-pointer You learn new things and think on it.

Too free to think too much.

• Spoiled by families caring

Imagine that you are in Germany, you have plenty of work on schedule, need to live well in a strange environment, I think I won’t think too much.

These short cuts of gay scenery is like drugs, keep me being as a loser as I get addicted to the full of sweet. That’s not reality, that’s not true happiness, love can only be supplement rather than main contents of life. It never should be the main theme of one’s life or life itself would become a tragic.

I’d like to work hard in week and wake up in a forest.

很多事情不能自己掌控，即使再孤单再寂寞，仍要继续走下去，不许停也不能回头——《千与千寻》 ​​​​

9/29

I want to tell my brother don’t worried too much, don’t be so anxious about future, but I decide not to very quickly, it’s not a good time, no need to say this in a hurry, better to say it when I can afford myself.

Don’t abuse comforting someone unless it’s the almost the last chance before when he or she reach their limit.

I act like that I don’t want anything, because I never got anything I wanted.

10/18

Some question on Zhihu deserve to carefully think over. I’ve saw the question that which area and what kind of skill will bring sustainable benefits to you?

One of the answer is keep on writing(the funny part is when you agree with this point, you will also people criticize this, they argue that Why “keep on writing” and “write a lot” is crappy advice), I noticed that before, people discussed learn effectively when you have the pressure for output.

How to learn?

要有输出的压力才会不断有效输入.

It’s like independently reproducing the results my key to learn theory in physics.

@Predatorette

甜到见血封喉

我总结出来了，生活要想过得去，就得转移注意力 ​​​​

I like your version of me

她其实不怎么抽烟，偶尔抽的时候问我，我抽烟会烦恼到你吗？我说不会，你抽烟我也不会少喜欢你，但是我也不想鼓励你抽烟

我是真的不介意，但是怕她咳嗽

后来给她买了红苹果的烟盒做礼物，她收到特别开心，但是想了想，最后用来装薄荷糖了

她说I’ve been saying this in my head for a while now, that’s what I’ve been thinking every time you asked me why I’m smiling. 她说I didn’t plan to say this until at least another month, but I couldn’t hold it anymore

你只需要训练你的工具聪明到人类输入命令有小的失误时自动更正而已

Yes yes I have acknowledged your kisses you may leave now

Love can change two people, I feel the trembling from my heart when I see the sweet love.

我十几岁在读《呼啸山庄》的时候一直不理解为什么里面的人会那么扭曲。男主分明出走了，分明发财了，分明成功了，为啥还要回到鸟不拉屎的破地方，羞辱他的敌人，奴役他的后代，然后自我毁灭。

这个问题将近十五年了我都没搞明白。后来我认识了一些人，发现他们心里也总有一些过不去的坎。分明好吃好喝了，分明方方面面都不错了，可是就是因为曾经的某一种被羞辱，或者落后的感觉而过不去。总想着有朝一日把那些所谓失去的找回来。

有的人比较粗俗管这个叫面子要找回来，有的人比较文艺把他们这种跟自己跟别人过不去称为不忘初心，还有的人则说，我不是为了证明自己了不起，就是要把自己失去的找回来。而后我发现，不是所有人都能对过去，对曾经，轻轻松松说一句拜拜的；也不是所有人都能与时俱进的。

现代科技看似给了我们更多的自由，其实大部分人还是活在自己的小圈子里。网络上有那么多唾手可得的资源，他们却并不关注——原本那些只能在大学图书馆读到的的数学公式，他们从并不去研究。那些只有行万里路才能看到的美丽地让人窒息的画面，他们也懒得多看一眼；还有那些只有通过各种考试，缴纳几十万美金学费才能听到的课程，他们也视而不见。他们只活在过去，活在过去的不甘和痛苦中，活在他们曾经触碰得到的小世界里。

曾经一度我以为我比较高明，因为我更多的着眼于当下和未来。后来我发现事实上，造成我这一特点的原因不过是因为我的人生充满了变数，从小到大身边的人每过三四年就会换一批。当我身边没有固定的人，固定的关系，那种对小圈子的执着也就无从谈起。

后来在某个书评上看到了对《呼啸山庄》的一条点评。越是封闭的环境，越会有偏激的爱情。其实哪里只是爱情，所有的关系大概都是如此，当你长期被封闭在某个空间里，大概就会把这个空间的得失当做自己的参照系。你此生最大的愿望就是在这个小圈子里出类拔萃。这就是人类的本性，我们其实无法超越自己的格局。

可是不是每个人都有机会去远方，去闯荡，去流浪。总有人因为各种原因一辈子都生活在一个地方，一个小圈子里。这些人看不明，想不开，痛恨却离不开他的那个小圈子。

归根到底，大度不是什么多么了不得的品德，当你出去闯荡，跟各个阶层都有接触，身边的人一批一批的换，就会发现闺蜜其实根本没有那么重要，或者说那个你熟悉的圈子也没有那么重要。等到了那个时候，他们喜欢也好，讨厌也罢，都是你生活中可有可无，都是随时可以替代的存在，请问你又怎么会给自己找不愉快呢?

因此，当你嫉妒你身边的人的时候，也许你该闯荡闯荡了。或者关心一点其他的东西，只要你愿意，这个世界上美好的有意义的东西实在太多，多到你用尽所有时间精力都不能尽其万一。

From a professional perspective, what happened when the online radio get stuck?

There are two states may happen to you, the first is you think you should do the right thing and cherish time yet you don’t know how to do it.

The second is the moment you know that you were in a bottleneck and you are unaware of that before.

Song lyrics in these days rarely touch my heart, is there any smart people to write the lyrics to represent a feeling similar with what I got.

feel the power of wikipedia again, once I have leisure time when I’m free to decide whatever I would like to take my time, I want to figure out some physics which I’m always curious about but fail to understand before.

Watching on lectures on Youtube is not efficient enough, turning to wikipedia again. I admire this very great project and appreciate it(Why I had not donate to it?).

Earning a degree in physics can help you understand the content on wikipedia, that’s for sure, yet wikipedia is reliable supplement after school too.